Each morning now, I arise and stand, or more likely sit, on the edge of Eternity. Ideas flood my consciousness, along with long forgotten songs heard in my beginning years. I have laid aside many recent interests in an effort to complete Almost. So theories on Machine Intelligence and Consciousness are left to younger and more knowledgeable minds. I realize that during the many years of adult life, I have taken for granted the support system for my consciousness, and the system is now dramatically deteriorating. Telomeres have been used up and cell division ceases. So. Pain.
Pain and Pleasure. I concluded some years ago that Pain and Pleasure where necessary attributes of Consciousness and I could not envision a way for a machine to experience pain. Or pleasure. Thus ended my endeavor. But.
At present I experience no pain. If. If I move with a shuffling gait that does not disturb the scoliosis in my lower spine. This will change. I hope to abide as long as my hesitant heart and tolerable pain allow. One cannot arrive at 95 without acquiring many hazards to one's body. Some are subdued along the way, others will endure and hasten us on our way. Ah, Eternity! I weep.
In a subconscious part of our being, there is the need for our species to endure. This manifests in the need for procreation and for self-survival, and further, in our desire to survive 'beyond our physical death'. We don't know how to do this. Religions try by providing an after-life. As individuals we are left only with the hope of being remembered. In reality, this is not very satisfactory, but it is all we have. I'm quite sure, for example, that the consciousness that was Sibelius, no longer cares if I enjoy listening to one of his symphonies. So. I am writing Almost. Why?
hlw 190727
