I was corrected by daughter Judy and my son-in-law, Charles, that though I'm only 99, this is my 100th Christmas ... since I was only 4 months old at my 1st Christmas. As a child, my brother and I usually received one gift each along with additions to an electric train that was brought out of storage each year. The tree was set up by Santa after we went to sleep on Christmas Eve. My parents did not attend Church regularly. Mother was a Baptist and my Dad was Episcopalian. I was an alto, and later a tenor in St. Andrews Episcopal Church Boy's Choir in Tampa. Merry Christmas everybody!

 In early June I suffered a Menieres 'event' which caused me to fall and thrash about enough to wreck my computer room and put me in hospital for four days. I have no memory of this. In fact I have lost access to a lot of my 'stored' knowledge. I have become quite feeble and recovery is very slow. I am most fortunate to have two wonderful daughters and their families who make it possible to endure a little longer. Last month I reached my 99th year.

Three years ago I wrote On Death:

For all of its shock, there is much to be said in favor of 'sudden death'. The continuous impact on family and friends by those of us who live 'too long', though unintended, is torture. This statement is only a comment, as I am not a believer in suicide ... except .... for individuals suffering from incurable, unrelenting and overwhelming pain.

As we age, the joys that we enjoy gradually disappear. Our sensory systems degrade and, one by one, gradually, no longer function.  What joy remains for the blind artist, the deaf musician, the toothless  gourmet, or the scientist who can't recall what 𝛑 is. Also. The brain starts losing connections, perhaps randomly, but usually short-term 'working memory' goes first. One realizes that they can't carry an idea from one room to the next.  The aging person will ultimately lose control over many bodily functions and finally over any aspect of their life. The impact on carers and caretakers is enormous. But.

The impact is increased several orders of magnitude when one cares for someone with 'early dementia' or Alzheimer's as happened with my late, great friend, Daniel Sears Dearing. In caring for his wife, Betty Bessent Dearing, he endured not only the loss of his lifelong love and companion, but the rage she expressed at the 'unknown man' in her home.

 I awoke rather early … and for some reason was ‘wondering’ if a certain ‘showtune’ song from This is the Life [the Musical I wrote while at FSU] had been included in my catalog of scores. I found that Ladylike Lady score had not been included. I could still remember the bassoon bass-line that was played by fellow physics student, Steve Edwards. Steve later took a position with FSU faculty … and then rose to become Dean of Students … however …. physics lost a potentially great scientist! So. I need to find a score [and an audio clip] for the Rather LadyLike Lady!

I noticed on this rainy wintry morning, that I had not made an entry on this blog page for more than a year and a half! During that period I created 3 ePubs entitled Almost Vol I - III, which started out to be a short auto-obituary and ended up being a condensed version of my memories [Vol I], all my scores [Vol II], and .mp3 recordings of existing audio files [Vol III]. Unfortunately [for me], I have now become quite feeble both physically and mentally, and as these ePubs are too large to be attached via eMail, I am somewhat at a loss as to how to transfer them to anyone who might be interested. So. I am making this entry to serve as a reminder to get to work on this .... Almost ain't a Rosetta Stone! 

This morning, Nov 9,  as my 3-wheeled walker led me around the driveway, I was enjoying the beautiful 75º weather and remembering that TS Eta was crossing Cuba after which the predicted path is the most erratic I've ever seen. I seldom wish for cold weather, but a nice cold front might snuff this anomaly.

  I felt hopeful that our country's Democracy has again avoided mankind's history of sliding into dictatorships.

Then sadness, at my waning memory which has sabotaged my hope of further thoughts on Artificial Consciousness [AC]. Artificial Intelligence [AI] is advancing at an enormous rate and is now in use in many practical applications; i,a., facial recognition, animation, and dictation-to-text. 

Knowledge is the degree of acquisition of data pertinent to a problem.  Intelligence is the manner in which the data are used.

I had decided that one requirement for AI to become self-conscious was that the system possess a number of additional attributes: a) Recognition of success or failure in achieving goals. b) Being motivated to achieve success and reporting failures. c) Self-assigning new goals based on progress.

These attributes probably require a system of rewards and/or punishment. So. How does one punish a computer? Reduce its supply of electrical power? Turn off its cooling system? Nope. Rewards? A box of chocolates?

Feelings. Emotions. We humans respond to perceived pain and rewards, physical and/or mental. Ummm!

Perhaps it is best that we stay with AI for a while.

Eternity

Each morning now, I arise and stand, or more likely sit, on the edge of Eternity. Ideas flood my consciousness, along with long forgotten songs heard in my beginning years. I have laid aside many recent interests in an effort to complete Almost. So theories on Machine Intelligence and Consciousness are left to younger and more knowledgeable minds.  I realize that during the many years of adult life, I have taken for granted the support system for my consciousness, and the system is now dramatically deteriorating.  Telomeres have been used up and cell division ceases. So.  Pain. 

Pain and Pleasure. I concluded some years ago that Pain and Pleasure where necessary attributes of Consciousness and I could not envision a way for a machine to experience pain. Or pleasure. Thus ended my endeavor. But.

At present I experience no pain. If. If I move with a shuffling gait that does not disturb the scoliosis in my lower spine. This will change. I hope to abide as long as my hesitant heart and tolerable pain allow. One cannot arrive at 95 without acquiring many hazards to one's body. Some are subdued along the way, others will endure and hasten us on our way. Ah, Eternity! I weep.

In a subconscious part of our being, there is the need for our species to endure. This manifests in the need for procreation and for self-survival, and further, in our desire to survive 'beyond our physical death'. We don't know how to do this. Religions try by providing an after-life. As individuals we are left only with the hope of being remembered. In reality, this is not very satisfactory, but it is all we have. I'm quite sure, for example, that the consciousness that was Sibelius, no longer cares if I enjoy listening to one of his symphonies. So. I am writing Almost. Why?

hlw 190727

Quantum theory

H.L. Mencken was a very talented product of his time and background. I agree with many of his beliefs and disagree with many. One area where we agree is evidenced by something he wrote about quantum theory in 1931, when I was aged 7 years:

If chemists were similarly given to fanciful and mystical guessing, they would have hatched a quantum theory forty years ago to account for the variations that they observed in atomic weights. But they kept on plugging away in their laboratories without calling in either mathematicians or theologians to aid them, and eventually they discovered the isotopes, and what had been chaos was reduced to the most exact sort of order.